The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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