Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
