I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
