when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
