Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
