I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Found your dick twin last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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