my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
