where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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