we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
