found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
