i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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