you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize