Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
