So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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