My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
