Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize