just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
