wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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