my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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