I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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