we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
