dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
