Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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