great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
