I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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