Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize