The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
