When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
