I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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