I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
