I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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