You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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