You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
