Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
