ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
