I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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