Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
