i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
