did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
