seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
