She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
