We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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