does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
