I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
