Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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