why didn't you poke me back
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
