you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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