I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
