i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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