hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
