no, he came in my armpit
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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