Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
