Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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