Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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