I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
