I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
