Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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