69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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