I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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