I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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