I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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