Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize