i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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