this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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