With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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