we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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