What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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