Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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